Antagonistic (also called narcissistic abuse) — whether covert or overt — remains one of the most under-researched and under-acknowledged dynamics in the mental health field. Like a quiet virus, it spreads slowly, eroding self-trust, memory, and emotional stability long before it’s named or recognised.

Many therapists hesitate to address it directly, and online spaces often oversimplify or sensationalise it. Neither approach truly helps the people living through it.

I have been studying the patterns of manipulation and control since I was a teenager. My shock and disbelief at learning about genocide and cults my in my high school history class led me to obsessively inquire about how anyone can be psychologically driven to do horrific things to groups of people and actually be highly successful. This then led to my special interest in the personality makeup of psychopathy and sociopathy. Which then made me arrive at the psychology of people who are primarily motivated to manipulate, deceive, and emotionally harm their children, partners, community and coworkers. They do this with such precision that the people in their community are truly blind to it. I’ve sat with hundreds of survivors and with people who carry narcissistic traits themselves, and I’ve lived my own versions of the confusion and trauma these relationships bring.

The impact of narcissistic abuse on our society as a whole is a health crisis (Dr Ramani Durvasila). Insert link to research.

What I’ve learnt about antagonistic personality traits over the years:

People who have been harmed usually arrive at therapy carrying clear distress — the pain, confusion, and exhaustion speak loudly. Those who cause the harm often have little awareness of it. Many with these antagonistic, manipulative and entitled traits genuinely believe they are empathetic, even more than an average person.

I am trained and highly astute in identifying People who exhibit these patterns and styles. In a nutshell, if a person is motivated and driven by validation, control, dominance, power, appearance, and status, it's a strong indicator towards abusive, controlling and manipulative behaviour in relationships.  On the contrary, people who don’t generally align with this personality seem to be driven by reciprocity, mutuality, shared growth, true intimacy, compassion, and joint goals. Ironically, there’s far more research on narcissistic and antagonistic personalities than on the experiences of those who endure these relationships.

Recognising motivational and personality differences can be the first step toward clarity and rebuilding your identity. In my sessions with you, we discover what truly belongs to you. What you’ll find in my counselling is a clear, honest detangling of the web of what actually happened, combined with trauma-informed understanding and practical tools. This, in turn, will protect you from the mental health decline these relationships bring.