Couple Counselling
When relationships feel stuck in the same repetitive pattern, such as distancing, criticism, betrayal, or even abuse, it is often because old negative and unhealthy habits are still running the show.
If you have already tried different ways of solving the problem and still feel like that shift hasn’t happened, at Beachside Counselling, you will be met with specific strategies tailored to your unmet needs, your unrecognised desires, and your differences that cause judgment.
It is said that the hardest thing for us to achieve in life is a healthy relationship with another person, and the strongest place you can be in is learning and understanding someone else’s point of view and what drives them to love, to pain, to hurt and to smile!
Love is a verb, not a noun.
Love is a verb , not a noun.
Love is a verb, not a noun. Love is a verb , not a noun.
You will find that this quote underpins the foundation of the work that we do together. We untangle the complexities of what it means for both of you to show up authentically, offer value, respect and discover true intimacy. I have trained in techniques utilising EFT, attachment models, and Imago communication coaching, to deepen your connection and improve your wellbeing.
In my sessions, we will explore and name:
Unmet needs
Power imbalances
Core wounds that lie beneath arguments, often without either of you realising it
Unconscious drives and triggers that stem from your family systems
Shared goals and more
I will show up for you, and if you, as a couple, equally show up for each other, then you will easily notice changes as you apply the strategies you learn. Remember a verb is doing, and if you have had any life experience in achieving a project successfully, action had to be taken. You don’t need to be a counsellor to know that love on its own is not enough to maintain a strong and healthy connection.
The 4 Patterns That Predict Separation
1. Criticism Attacking your partner’s character instead of their behaviour (“You always…” or “You never…”). It’s not just complaining, it’s making your partner's unique identity the problem.
2. Contempt: The strongest predictor of decline in connection and separation. Sarcasm, mockery, eye-rolling, name-calling, and superiority. It’s challenging to come back from because it says, “I’m better than you.”, which builds resentment.
3. Defensiveness: Counter-blaming or taking the victim stance (“It’s not me, it’s you”). This blocks any real understanding, communication or repair.
4. Stonewalling: Shutting down, complete emotional withdrawal, silence and/or turning away. One partner just checks out to cope.
How Relationships Mature: The Developmental Stages
1. Differentiation: The toughest phase: partners start voicing their own thoughts, feelings, wishes, and desires — and truly listening to the other's without attack, blame, or control. Success here means handling discomfort while honouring differences.
2. Practising / Individuation: The "we" takes a backseat as one or both partners focus on personal growth and self-esteem outside the relationship. Challenges arise if earlier stages were shaky, but with support, you emerge as individuals who don't rely on the relationship for worth.
3. Reconnection / Rapprochement: A "back-and-forth" dance: independence grows, but so does the desire to reconnect deeply. Couples might explore retreats, intimacy, or shared projects, valuing the "we" without losing the "I".
4. Synergy / Mutual Interdependence: The mature stage: a strong "we" where 1 + 1 feels greater than 2. Partners hold secure connection through ups and downs, self-soothing when needed, and sharing a vibrant energy that's palpable.
Many couples get stuck in the stages of differentiation and individuation. I encourage each couple to act early for counselling support.
(Couples Institute Developmental Model)